He began by sharing about a broken relationship in his early
20s; he was at the time of our conversation well into his 60s. He had loved a woman and assumed they would
marry. When he proposed, she
unexpectedly turned him down. From that
point on, in his view, his life had gone from misfortune to misfortune. He
never found anyone else to marry. He
soon lost a good accounting job at a large company. Throughout his ensuing career he bounced from
job to job, never building up a pension.
He was convinced that the broken relationship and the lost job had set
his life on a path of missed opportunities.
The story he told could have been entitled A Series of Unfortunate Events.
He saw the dark lining in every silver cloud. If you asked him about his trip to the
Metropolitan opera, he would complain about the cost of parking and the
traffic. If you commented on the beauty
of a spring day, he would point out that allergies would soon flare up. If you commented on the success of the
Philadelphia Phillies, he would recount all the times they went from glory to
“the basement” in a few short weeks. His
stock response to most things was:
“That’s a nasty business, that is.”
His experience of his daily life was colored by every loss and disappointment he
had ever experienced. I suggested to him one day that he adopt a better storyline for his life; he had things in his life to celebrate. Perhaps life had not turned out as he had envisioned when he was 22, but he had not endured a bad life; he had things for which he could be grateful. There were some successes and joys along the way. He said he would think about it.
I spend a good bit of my time listening to people talk about
their churches. Often those stories
cohere around what God has done in them and through them, both in good times
and challenging times. The theme is
blessing in spite of the circumstances.
Other times I hear narratives of loss. I hear about when the sanctuary was full, the
pastor preached great sermons every Sunday and visited parishioners day and
night, and the youth group had to be split into two groups because it was so
large. (I would point out that it is a
universal human trait to remember vividly positive experiences and to recall more dimly negative experiences. I have been told this is why women are
willing to give birth to a second child.)
The theme here is failure and a future without hope.
We would do well to frame all our stories with the assurance of
God’s blessing. Paul writes that God
works in all things for the good of those who love God. This does not mean that it was God’s will
that the local food processing plant closed down and your town’s population
shrunk by 30% over 3 years and decimated the giving base of the local churches. It does mean that God can work through this
event to foster faith and clarity of purpose and resilience in your church and
parishioners. Our storyline can shift
from loss to the grace of God in all the seasons of life. Think about it.
Executive Minister-American Baptist Churches of
New York State.
